FunkyDecoration

Moving

2005-08-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Alright peeps, this is going to be my last post on Blogger. Renovation for my new home is almost complete so it is the right time to move to the new place. See you there...

Oh yes, this is the way to my new home

3 Megabytes

2005-07-29T23:29:00.000+08:00

I used to think that the extremely stupid can only be found in Singapore but today I discovered that this species of human can also be found further down south in Australia! As usual, you can easily identify them from their keen interest in high-tech gadgets and yet having zero knowledge about it.

My nightmare today was an idiotic Polish-born Aussie dickhead who wanted me to help him recover 3 Megabytes of his PDA's built-in storage that was stolen by the PDA's Operating System. So this is what happened...

Me: "Thank you for calling Technical Support..."
Dickhead: "How come it is stated in my PDA's memory status that my PDA is still using 3MB of storage when I already removed all the files and programs?"
Me: "The 3MB is actually used by the PDA's Operating System to run the system files in the background."
Dickhead: "But I do not have any files!"
Me: "Sir, It is like your computer, even if you have nothing installed in it except Windows, your OS will still reserve a small amount of your storage to run the background files."
Dickhead: "No!" *in his fucking Polish accent* "I want my 3MB back!"
Me: "Sir, the formula is the same like your 1.44MB Floppy Disk or your 700MB CD-R. You can only get 1.38MB and 680+MB of total storage because the rest was reserved or used-up by the OS!"
Dickhead: "No, this is not good!"

*OMFG!! Not good? It is obvious that this donkey knows nothing about computer. This is basic computer knowledge for god sake? oh well, another fucking son of a gun..*

Me: "Ok sir, Your PDA's total storage is 128MB; The Operating System took about 30MB+ leaving you with 90MB+ free right?"
Dickhead: "Right!"
Me: "You still have about 90MB+. The 3MB is being used up by your PDA's OS is a very small amount. You don?t have to worry."
Dickhead: "But I don't want my 3MB to be used up!"

*FUCK! You should thank your lucky stars that you are in Australia otherwise the PDA will go straight down your throat!*

Me: "Ok sir, let me guide you to do a factory reset on your PDA back to it's default settings. After the factory reset if it still fail to satisfy your expectation, you have to accept that it is part of the PDA?s process."
Dickhead: "Ok!"

*After performing the factory reset*

Dickhead: "Still the same! I still lost my 3MB..."
Me: "Then it is part of the PDA's process."
Dickhead: "No... cannot be!"

*There was a sudden massive muscle spasm on both my testicles... and I felt like a huge time bomb is about to explode when...*

Me: "Ok Sir, I've got a test unit PDA over here which is the same model as yours. Now let me check on the amount used up by my PDA's operating system compare to yours."

*Same PDA model but all the other informations that I'm about to provide him is fake!*

Me: "On my PDA, There are only about 80MB+ of free storage and the amount used up by the OS is more than 4MB!"
Dickhead: "Oh really? So indeed it is true that the OS will reserve a small amount... thank you very much for the explanation."

Conclusion: WTF!!

Nescafe Mistra

2005-07-24T16:52:00.000+08:00

Fancy drinking banana-flavoured coffee? Try Mistra, Nescafe's newest coffee range with exotic flavours ranging from caramel banana to tiramisu!

Housed in a cute little hourglass bottle, the Mistra is not a cheap drink. Priced at 2.90 per bottle, this drink is far more expensive than your normal soft drink. But price aside, Mistra is not too bad for a coffee with weird flavours.

I didn't get to try the tiramisu flavour but the caramel banana was simply awesome! You can feel a mixture of banana and coffee blending together very well in the drink. An innovative move by Nescafe to diversify it's coffee business.

Sand Sculpture

2005-07-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

Got an art assignment due soon? Not sure what to do? Need fresh idea to kick start your career in art and design? Fear not because today, I will show you how to make a simple art work feels and look professional. In just 5 simple steps, you should be able to present your soon to be famous sand sculpture to the world. Ready to start? Let's do it.

Start by creating 2 big hills and it's valley in the middle. Make sure both hills are of the same size. Remember to make the valley as deep as possible.

Next, we will create the tunnel. Gently use your middle finger to create an opening between the mountain range.

We need to create a road into the tunnel. You can use a cylinder-shaped object like the above to make the road.

Remember to make the hilltop of the 2 hills as sharp as possible by using your fingers. You can use you thumb and your index finger to sharpen the tip.

There you have it, the perfect sand sculpture that will catch the eye of every art lover. Follow my 5 simple steps and you can never go wrong with your art work. Till next time...

Time Bomb

2005-06-29T19:50:00.000+08:00

Ever experience emergency nature call when driving? Well I did today and I can tell you that the feeling of having a fucking huge bomb waiting to explode up my arse is not something you would want to have. No sign of restroom for the next 10 kilometers makes my journey home from work today one of the most exciting journey ever. Imagine having to keep your eyes on the road, hands on the steering wheel, legs on the accelerator/brake and at the same time trying very hard to prevent the arse from exploding! Now this is what I call real multitasking.

And my misery did not end there. Along the way, the road users, the traffic lights and the music in my car each took turns to torment my already misery stomach. The time was around 4 in the afternoon and usually it is the best time to drive but today out of the blue, all the drivers decided to come out for a spin. Most of these morons are doing 50kmph and they kept blocking me from overtaking them. How often do you see old fucks doing their leisure driving on the highway at 4 in the afternoon?

Anyway, when I finally got rid of all the slow driving old fucks; it was the traffic light?s turn to test my patience. Waiting 40 seconds for the lights to turn green is like waiting for 40 hours. And all of a sudden the cibai radio DJ who usually plays slow music decided to pump up the tempo and started playing a set of 4-5 fast beat songs at one go. During that time, I can feel my entire stomach and intestine twisting and grooving to the beat of the music and the time bomb down at my ass about to go!!!

Twenty Six

2005-05-28T10:35:00.000+08:00

May 28, the day Kylie Minogue turns 37 and the day yours truly is just 4 years short of 30!

Finally... After 21 Years!

2005-05-27T22:28:00.000+08:00

Terrorist Customer

2005-05-24T21:36:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the first time that I came into contact with a terrorist - yes a real terrorist! I was at work as usual entertaining stupid customers until this Aussie dude called in to report his printer problem. I proceed to assist him without suspecting anything. Moments after I hung up the call, I got an email from one of my company's trade compliance personnel informing me that the person I just spoken to is a suspected terrorist. I was then asked to call back this suspected terrorist to try and dig more of his personal information.

So for the next few minutes, I found myself transforming from a tech support specializing in entertaining idiots over the phone to a professional information gathering super spy! I went on to call back the suspected terrorist to unearth as many information about him as possible. I found out that he has been to one of the terrorist-infested country and his middle name matches the middle name of a wanted terrorist! Now I wonder why is a normal inkjet printer so important to a terrorist? Printing counterfeit money perhaps?

Self Satisfaction

2005-05-11T20:30:00.000+08:00

Do you know what is the most important factor to consider when joining an organization? This factor is closely to your work performance, your work satisfaction and your comfort level at work. If you think that money is the factor then you are wrong because based on my observation, I can conclude that working in an organization with an awesome restroom far more important than anything else.

Now why is the restroom so important to an organization? Because it calms down those who are suffering from work related stress. Stressful people are not healthy for an organization. Besides that, the restroom is also the right place to satisfy all your needs and desires. By providing a place to release the stress and to satisfy all the needs and desires, the comfort level of an individual will increase eventually and hence they will be able to contribute more to the organization.

The restroom in my organization is an awesome place to be when nature calls because of it's 3 innovative design features. Firstly, the room lighting resembles that of a posh 5 star hotel making it's visitors feeling revitalize upon stepping into the room. The next feature is a picture of beautiful scenery hung on top of the bowl, making your peeing experience a pleasurable and enjoyable thing. Last but no least, small posters promoting our company's latest product hanging on the door of every room facing the toilet bowl is another marvelous idea by the designer because it helps to keep the upper part of the body sharp and focused even when working hard on the lower part of the body.

Back Online

2005-04-25T19:34:00.000+08:00

Wow! I've been away for almost a month. No not away on vacation but instead slaving away for 12 hours a day, 5 days a week daily just to entertain and satisfy my customer's never-ending demands. The problem is these customers kept asking for more. It's hard to pay full attention to each and every 20 customers that you served you know. Furthermore, our Sales people are so damn good at tricking them into do business with my company. So the more people that our Sales tricked, the more customers that I'm forced to entertain. Fun isn't it? Luckily I only have to entertain them over the phone otherwise there wouldn't be much of a difference between my job and a male prostitute's job because 80 percent of my customers are women - old women!

Quake II

2005-03-29T20:51:00.000+08:00

So the earthquake finally came back last night after missing in action for 3 months to rock our neighbor's sorry assess once again! And the citizens of my own country got paranoid once again just like before running helter-skelter from their homes down to the streets hoping to preserve their lives.

Look, this is a natural disaster and someone has got to die to make up the statistics so it doesn't matter where you hide and how many people you crowd with to protect yourself because at the end of the day when you are destined to die, you will still die.

In case you wondered why the quake just love to rock that particular region and not your region or mine, the answer is simple - their country is way overpopulated with loads of sinful trash and someone has got to do the donkey job of cleaning up the mess hence the quake happening twice for the past 3 months.

Painful Saturday

2005-03-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

If yesterday was a jolly good day for me, today is totally the opposite. In an attempt to retrieve the shuttlecock during a game of badminton this afternoon, I collided with my partner and sprained the ankle on my left leg. Now the area around my ankle has swollen up like a small golf ball and the pain is preventing me from walking like a normal person. Now if you think this minor problem can stop me from going out on this fine Saturday nite, you are wrong! rain or shine, pain or not, the answer will still be the same... party on!

Jolly Good Friday

2005-03-25T15:28:00.001+08:00

So citizens of my country, still stuck at work slaving away? How unfortunate. Me on the other hand got paid to stay at home on this jolly Good Friday. No to worry my fellow citizens, 5 o'clock is just about 92 minutes away. Happy working!

Swearing Spree Part 2

2005-03-21T21:51:00.000+08:00

My swearing spree continues today and in fact it got worst compared to last Friday no thanks to this bloody irritating old fuck! I haven't stop working since I clocked in at 3am this morning and was looking forward to go home and have a good sleep until this fuck called and ruin my entire Monday. Instead of going home happy, I was forced to extend my working hours just to clean up all his shit. On top of that I have to put up with his irritating male domineering attitude throughout that 30-minute conversation.

Me: "Thank You For Calling Technical Support..."
Old Fuck: "I've got problem with my printer."
Me: "Ok Sir, what seems to be the problem?"

*The old fuck went on describing his printer problems*

Me: "Ok Sir, let me just confirm, your printer is having this problem and that problem right?"
Old Fuck: "Yes?"
Me: "Sir, Is the printer with you right now?"
Old Fuck: "No... BTW, I would like to know if I can extend the warranty for my printer?"
Me: "Yes Sir, you can extend the warranty for your printer model. Would you like me to forward your request to the Warranty Extension Team so that they can send a quotation to you?"
Old Fuck: "Quotation? I called in the other day when printer warranty is still valid so why should I have to pay?"
Me: "Sir, the quotation is for you to extend your warranty beyond the current one."
Old Fuck: "No! Why should I have to pay when my warranty is still valid when I called in the other day?"
Me: "Sir, I know your warranty is still valid when you called the other day and should your printer be faulty, I will issue a replacement for you with no questions asked but you see the replacement unit will still follow the old unit's warranty which expires 2 days ago. The quotation is actually for you to extend your replacement unit's warranty to another year should there be a replacement for you current printer. If not, the warranty is to cover up your existing printer's warranty for another year."

*Sensing that he is on the loosing end, he fires another bullet at my way*

Old Fuck: "Ok, will I get a brand new unit?"

*Bastard! Your printer's warranty has expired and I have yet to diagnose on the printer's condition and you dare to ask for a brand new replacement unit.*

Me: "Sir, I cannot commit to you on the brand new unit. I can only tell you that it is a workable unit. Besides I have yet to check on your printer condition, therefore I cannot guarantee on the brand new replacement for you."
Old Fuck: "How can I get a brand new unit?"
Me: "I can help forward your request to Customer Care and will get them to work out a solution with you ok?"
Old Fuck: "Ok, I want them to call me on the new unit and I want you to call me first before they call."
Me: "Ok no problem Sir. So should I proceed with your warranty extension?"
Old Fuck: "Mmmm..."

* Mmm-ing for a few minutes before he went complete silent*

Me: "Sir, should I proceed with the warranty extension?"
Old Fuck: "Mmmm... Ok but I want the hardcopy of the quotation mailed to my mailbox and the softcopy emailed to me. I want you to get it done by tomorrow!"
Me: "Ok Sir, I will forward you request to Warranty Extension Team and get them to contact you."
Old Fuck: "I want you to call me first tomorrow before getting them to call me and I also want you to find out the price of the printer cartridge as well."
Me: "Sir, we at Technical Support do not have the price list for the products. You will either need to speak to the Sales Team or the Spare Part Sales for the price list."
Old Fuck: "I want you to get the price from them and call me tomorrow!"

*Dude, I'm NOT your slave!*

Me: "Sir is there anything else that I can help you with?"
Old Fuck: "No! I just need you to call me with the answers to the stuff we discuss today."
Me: "Ok Sir, I will call you at 2pm tomorrow."
Old Fuck: "And...?"
Me: "I will get the Customer Care team to call your regarding the new unit replacement and will update you regarding the warranty extension Ok?"
Old Fuck: "AND...?"

*Fucking hell, who do you think you are? My master?*

Me: "Yes plus the printer cartridge price list."
Old Fuck: "Good!"

Ended the phone conversation with a complementary middle finger pointed straight at the monitor screen and another wave of swearing and cursing... this time on the Old Fuck!

Swearing Spree

2005-03-20T03:18:00.000+08:00

Ever tried cursing and swearing profanities in front of your boss? Well I did on Friday when I went on cursing and swearing after my phone conversation with a customer without realizing that my manager is around. I just went on a swearing spree until a colleague alerted me of my manager's presence. Holy fuck! Now wait minute... she is no longer my manager. She just transferred to another department 2 weeks ago... I'm safe! So I went on cursing and swearing again after she left.

Old New Template

2005-03-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

Decided to stick to the old template but made minor modification to it. Although still a bit buggy when tested with Internet Explorer 6.0. but works fine with Mozilla Firefox 1.0.1. Will fix the IE issue soon.

Ugly Template

2005-03-08T20:49:00.000+08:00

I hate my current blog template! Too white and plain for my liking. There will be no updates for now until I come up with a newer design.

Bullshit!

2005-02-27T04:04:00.000+08:00

My job as a technical support requires me to interact with customer everyday and there is a diversity of people that I would come to contact with ranging from different nationalities to different sexes to different intelligence level. My favorite types of people are the middle-aged men from Singapore. Why? Because these rare breed of male species ranging from mid-30s to 50s from an island with a population of only 4 million plus are to me the world's most unique pieces of shit! Load of bullshit to be exact. These species of men possesses all the attributes that none us in any part of the universe can hold a candle to. Arrogant, rude and extreme stupidity are among their best-known traits coupled with their shockingly low intelligence quotient level.

This breed of men has a strange fetish for high-tech gadgets and machines. These high-tech equipments usually serves as a disguise to cover-up for their extreme stupidity but unfortunately because of their inability to understand basic instructions written in the gadget manuals, they developed an obsession to call in to the gadget manufacturer's support line asking loads of cock and bull questions. Here are my 2 favorite calls I received from these bullshit species. Enjoy...

Case 1

Me: "Thank you for calling Technical Support..."
Customer: "My PDA cannot connect to my company's wireless network!"
Me: "Okay, have you enable the wireless access on your PDA?"
Customer: "My PDA is already connected to the network but I cannot surf the Internet!"
Me: "Have you check the settings on your PDA and your company's wireless router?"
Customer: "My PDA is already connected to the network so there is nothing wrong with my company's router."
Me: "Okay, have you tried surfing the Internet on other wireless hotspots?"
Customer: "Yes!"
Me: "Can you surf the Internet?"
Customer: "Yes."
Me: "Then your PDA's wireless is working fine! Maybe your can check with your company's network administrator and compare the settings of your PDA with his wireless router. Perhaps there is a security restriction on wireless router"
Customer: "No! There is nothing wrong with the router! It's the PDA's fault. You better configure it for me."
Me: "Ok but to be able to help you configure, you need to at least check the details of your wireless network so that I can help you configure it properly."
Customer: "No! That is not my problem. You better configure it for me!"

Case Conclusion: The prick called me back later to tell me that there are 2 different networks in his company and he connects his PDA to the wrong network!

Case 2

Me: "Thank you for calling Technical Support..."
Customer: "My PDA cannot sync with my computer!"
Me: "Have you check the cable connection and have you install the sync software?"
Customer: "Yes, my cable is connected and I've just updated my sync software to the latest version."
Me: "Can you see you PDA in your Windows Device Manager?"
Customer: "Yes! I'm PDA user and I can tell you that it is the PDA's problem."
Me: "Okay, maybe we can try to reset your PDA to the default factory setting and see if it solve your sync problem."
Customer: "I tried that already! I press the reset button many times."
Me: "Sir, you are just rebooting your PDA not factory resetting it. To do a factory reset, you need to do the following steps..."

*Proceed to teach the stupid fool to factory reset his PDA. Flowery words like "fuck" and "shit" can be heard over the phone as the fool resets his PDA*

Customer: "Fuck! Still cannot sync after factory reset."
Me: "Maybe you can try to uninstall and reinstall your sync software because your sync software can't seem to detect the PDA."
Customer: "I'm already using the latest version. There is nothing wrong with it and I don't think i need to reinstall the software. Its the PDA's fault."
Me: "Sir, sometimes, it is possible for the sync software to get corrupted and this may prevent the software from detecting the PDA."
Customer: "No, there is nothing wrong with the PDA!"
Me: "Ok Sir, have you disable your PC's firewall because firewall can prevent the sync software from detecting your PDA."
Customer: "Yes! Look I'm very frustrated with this whole thing. I tried to setup this PDA since morning and till now nothing seem to be working."
Me: "Ok sir, since we tried almost every troubleshooting steps available, we have no other alternative but to replace the faulty PDA
Customer: "Ok but I want file a complain on this product and I want a compensation from your company for all the difficulties I faced when setting up this PDA."
Me: "Ok sir, I will file a complain on your behalf to the Customer Service."
Customer: "Good. When will they call me back for my compensation?"
Me: "They will call you back a soon as I file your complain. Not to worry. Is there anything else that I can help you with?"
Customer: "Yes, there is. I think there is a missing cable connector in my PDA package."
Me: "Let me check your Order List."
Me: "Sir, there are no missing parts in the package according to the list."
Customer: "Yes there is! According to the user manual on page x, I was supposed to get this dual-input cable connector but instead I only receive the single input cable connector."
Me: "I'm sorry sir. The user manual is actually a universal manual that caters for all 3 versions of this PDA model. Yours is a high-end version that shipped with a docking cradle and a single input connector. Only the lower-end version ships with the dual input cable connector."
Customer: "Really? But why is my manual showing the dual input connector? I will sue your company if I found out that you are lying to me."

Case Conclusion: The new PDA still failed to sync with his PC and the fuck still insist that it is the PDA's fault and currently in the process of returning his PDA for a refund.

Office Politics

2005-02-17T19:43:00.000+08:00

After 3 months into my new job, I finally got my first hand experience of office politics today. Clocked in at 4am as usual. Got a very funny mail from someone in my department telling me to call back an Aussie customer ASAP. Ok fine, no big deal but why me? Aren't you supposed to be supporting the customer since he called in to your line but instead all the bloke did was to email me the Aussie guy's info and wash his hands straight away hoping that I will do a follow up on his behalf. Now fuck you asshole. What is your role in the organization then? Masturbating away everyday and looking forward to the 1st and 15th of every month to collect your paycheck?

Moments later got another mail from Customer Care and Tech Support in India telling me about customer being very unhappy with our services and all these morons did was to point everything to me simply because customer did mention my name when he called in yesterday. How come? Because I used to help support that customer during the recent holidays when all the other bastards and bitches involved were away shaking their balls and boobs at home enjoying their fucking holidays.

Now after consulting my Team Leaders, I call up the Aussie customer for an update on the case and he was surprised to hear from me. According to him, he was expecting someone else that did a follow up on his case to call but that someone didn't call so he called up yesterday for help but instead being turned away by that masturbating specialist. Now that I got his part of the story, I proceed to mail all the relevant parties to update them on the status and finally got my sweet revenge on all the other morons by including their team leader's name in the mailing loop. I foresee that tomorrow is going to be a very beautiful day...

Stuck At Work

2005-02-09T05:00:00.000+08:00

The time is 5.00am in the morning and today is a public holiday here in Malaysia. Instead of staying at home enjoying the weeklong public holidays, I'm here at my work cubicle as early as 4.00am to start my normal work schedule. The worst part about working today is the wage. Instead of getting triple pay for working during holidays, I will only be getting my normal salary due to the fact that I belong to my company's Australia/NZ tech support team and since Australia/NZ do not recognize Chinese New Year as a festive holiday so its working day as usual with normal pay! This is a fine example of an overworked and underpaid job.

Fireworks

2005-02-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

Taken at 12 midnight as the Chinese community celebrates the beginning of the Lunar New Year.

Happy Chinese New Year

2005-02-07T19:43:00.000+08:00

Selfish!

2005-01-31T23:13:00.000+08:00

There will always be people with 2 different characteristics. There are a good people and bad people, people with huge pricks and people with not so huge pricks or no prick at all, people who are straight and people who are not so straight. But there is one particular attribute that unites us all. An attribute that showcases the other side of mankind, an attribute that even the holiest soul on earth possesses. An attribute known as SELFISH!

The picture above best describe the selfishness of human. In Asian region especially, selfishness is closely related to wealth and arrogance simply because the Asian mindset is that when you are rich, you must always be arrogant and arrogant people are usually the best breed of selfish people. So the bottom line is, many rich Asians are fucking selfish and stupid. Stupid because they can't even park their vehicle properly!

The car number plate was intentionally removed to prevent further embarassment to the vehicle's stupid owner.

Hungry?

2005-01-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

Welcome 2005

2005-01-03T21:08:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, I would like to wish all the fans and readers of my blog a very Happy New Year. Together let us all make 2005 the best time of our lives. Secondly, due to unforeseen circumstances, I was unable to update my blog as regularly as I want to but nevertheless my immediate resolution for 2005 is to write more craps, flame all the idiots out there and to post more beautiful pictures. So sit back, relax and happy reading!

Despite my busy schedule, I managed to take time out to spend New Year with my mates like I always do every year. Anyway for this year, we decided to upgrade ourselves, so instead of having a moderate celebration, we decided to make it as big as possible hence the 31st floor Suite of Gurney Hotel, situated along the seafront of Gurney Drive in Penang was the location for our event this year. Everything went on smoothly and many people turned up for the celebration. The hotel, the drinks, the guys and girls were awesome! Catch the actions below and more here.

Aerial View of Penang Island From the Hotel

The Drinks

Very Excited to Celebrate the New Year

Very Thirsty

The Casts

Male Bonding

The Face of 2005

What is This?

2004-12-20T22:07:00.000+08:00

Operation Painball

2004-12-06T22:26:00.000+08:00

The time was 0750 Hrs, Sunday, 5th of December 2004. A convoy of 6 cars began their journey to a secluded location in Perlis, the northern state of Malaysia bordering Thailand for a secret mission - a mission of PAIN! Operation Paintball officially began around 1100 Hrs and ended at about 1500 Hrs. The operation was a big success with each and every contestant taking home more than one "souvenir". Catch the actions below and more here and here.

Army Men for Paintball

Even he is Quitting Golf for Paintball

Ready to Rumble

Pre-Game Trash Talk

Bingo!

A Perfect Gift

Alexander the Gay

2004-11-28T15:15:00.000+08:00

I spent 3 hours of my time yesterday hoping to watch the epic battles and conquests of Alexander the Great but instead of getting what I hoped for, Oliver Stone provided me with the chronicles of Alexander's gay life! Well he did not actually spent the entire 3 hours focusing solely on Alexander's anal exploitation, but instead there were a few good scenes worth watching like the battle between Alexander and Darius and scenes from his early life with his father Philip and mother Olympias. Aside from that, it is boring and shocking all the way with plenty of male kissing, hugging and anal fucking. I want my 3 hours back and I want to be surrounded by women for the next 1 month!

After 6 Long Years

2004-11-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

More info here and here.

Sick Business

2004-11-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of marriages that resulted from just 2 hours of courtship? Ever heard of virginity, smooth skin and double eyelids being the prerequisite requirements for marriage? And finally, ever heard of middle age horny men paying about 30 thousand bucks not for quick fuck but to purchase a wife one third or half their age?

This type of sick business is booming in many parts of Asia especially in South-East Asia with Vietnam being the feeder country. Now in case you didn't know, many old Asian men especially the ones that are over their fifties are horny by nature so I wasn't surprise with the massive number of them willing to break bank just to satisfy their lust even if they have to overwork their rusty hearts and pricks. So what if your prick can still stand up straight? Can a 50+ years old men's sexual drive matches that of a 20+ women? That is why the only winner here is Pfizer.

To all the older men, loneliness is the reason why they seek for a companion but the actual hidden agenda behind is to obtain youthful vitality. These old generations believed that by screwing younger women, they will stay young and healthy. Truth or myth, I don't give a rat ass but the whole thing about this shit is really a disgrace. For goodness sake these girls are about the same age as your granddaughters and touching them is like touching your own granddaughters. Actually poverty is the main reason why many of the young women are willing to marry old ugly looking men with rusty pricks from other countries. There are even agencies formed to cater the lust of these old horny dicks by organizing regular trips to Vietnam. Read more about this disgusting issue here.

More Chocolates?

2004-11-04T19:28:00.000+08:00

Chocolates?

2004-11-02T11:28:00.000+08:00

Children Ensemble

2004-10-18T01:14:00.000+08:00

My neighbor just moved in today and I must congratulate them for doing a great job in making my Sunday a living hell. The children started the ball rolling with their wonderful performance of screaming, shouting and crying. The females reprise their role well as sopranos while the males complemented them with their marvelous tenors. The adults on the other hand provided the cheers to their offspring for a wonderful show. The atmosphere then was simply awesome. I bet they can even put Andrew Lloyd Webber's play to shame.

Goodbye My Hero

2004-10-13T13:24:00.000+08:00

Goodbye my hero. RIP

Short Break

2004-09-28T21:35:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since my last update. Nothing much happened, I am still very much alive and well thank you, just too occupied with my job and family obligations. No worries people, I can assure all you good people out there that I will be back in full action as soon as I can find a formula to slice a small fraction of my mental draining 24 hours schedule.

New Layout

2004-09-20T18:16:00.000+08:00

FunkyDecoration gets a facelift! Say goodbye to the old boring greenish template and hello to a more soothing all white design. Enjoy your stay.

Bouncing Buxom

2004-09-12T15:30:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is Monday - the last day of the 7th month on the Chinese lunar calendar, also known as the Hungry Ghost Festival. Now if you were to take a stroll around any town in Malaysia especially the ones with massive Chinese population like Penang, you will notice the staging of street concerts popularly known to the Chinese community as Getai literally meaning 'song stage' in Mandarin. Chinese opera used to be on the program for such shows, but in the past few decades, the shows have evolved into vaudeville performances featuring pop singers, often togged in skimpy costumes.

To me this street show is nothing but a piece of bullshit crap! Since when do you see religious activities being grace by scantily clad women who flashes their cleavages around unashamedly? Yes this is what you get at the Chinese religious festival here in Malaysia or rather Penang. I've tried asking the older generations on whether it is necessary to have these prostitute dress-alike gracing events like this and from what I gathered, it was the organizer's gimmick to lure the people to come watch their show.... wonderful!

There is nothing to shout about the show, just a few over make-up, blonde haired, tasteless dressing, and buxom showing ah-lians (definition for the lowest grade of Chinese Women) screaming NOT singing to the tunes of those Taiwanese Mandarin songs and these Z-grade women are surprisingly not short of fans - those old and middle aged horny, erectile dysfunctional men made up about 70 percent of their fan club population. The rest are ignorant kiddies who are just innocently trying to have fun - the wrong way.... by watching bouncing buxom! Their fucked-up parents are to be blame for all these early age exposure should their kids become sex-fiends one day.

I have nothing against any religious activities or whatsoever because every religion teaches human to be good but this nonsense event has got nothing but negative elements all over it! From scantily clad hookers to eardrum killing sound systems, this fucking shit has got no religious values or benefits at all. Some said that it was supposed to be the source of entertainment for the departed souls who are believed to be roaming freely in our world during this month long festival. Do you think these so-called departed souls will just be contented with only bouncing buxom? Wouldn't it be better to put up a large 48-inch plasma screen TV and play those Japanese AV porn flicks? I bet even Ai Nagase can make better 'music' than those cheap grade hookers! Even she has got more than just bouncing buxom to offer....

Fingering Job

2004-09-10T22:42:00.000+08:00

Did a lot of fingering work today.... especially with my index and middle finger. At one stage, had to use my thumb as well to get to job done. Trust me, it was damn tiring doing the same thing over and over again the whole afternoon. I used my fingers to push and pop it, to pinch it and even to shove it all the way in. There are times when I'm also required to rub on the surfaces to make it clean before shoving it in. Upon successful fingering, the system will be turn on and if the system is well fingered, we can hear the sound of approval. Now before the mind starts to wondered and skewed towards something kinky and dirty, sorry to say that it has nothing to do with what is currently playing on your mind cause what I'm trying to describe here is all about assembling a computer. Yes whole freaking afternoon spent on testing old motherboards before disposing them off....

Flameless

2004-09-09T07:59:00.000+08:00

Fuck! Blogger down the whole of yesterday.... Can't even update my template let alone blog. Was going to flame on something big yesterday but thanks to Blogger I lost all my interest on that today. Anyway I've just added a few of my friend's blog to my friends list. Do pay them a visit while I attempt to reignite the fire in me for my next flaming blog.

Fear Factor Challenge

2004-09-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

The time was around 3AM in the morning, 9 crazy youths decided to try something really extreme and unthinkable.... to go where no man has ever been before.... to take on the ultimate fear factor eating challenge where there will only be 2 consequences: - either you spend the entire day sitting on your toilet bowl throne or you will ended up like a python after swallowing a goat. That fearsome food is none other than infamous Roti Merdeka!

Now why is this Roti Merdeka so dangerous for human consumption? Here are the lists of ingredient used to make this poisonous plate of hell:
- Murtabak without meat (the base)
- Fried Egg (on top of the murtabak)
- Bananas (on top of the egg with shredded cucumbers and carrots)
- Shredded cucumbers and carrots (mixed with kaya, sweet corns)
- Ice-Cream (with almond and cashew nuts as toppings)
- Lots of chili and tomato sauce plus mayonnaise

Finally after suffering for 1 long hour, all the 9 youths survived that crazy ordeal but not before being put through tough mental and physical challenges. Their main concern after that is the consequences of consuming that poisonous plate of hell and at 12.19PM, approximately 8 hours later; we crowned the first victim of Roti Merdeka...

The "Fake" Orgasm

2004-09-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

Some people just can't sing and no matter how hard they try, they still will never make it as a singer. So in order to convince their inner self that they are good at singing, these people turn to this gadget called karaoke to get their message across. So here I was in front of my PC on this quiet Saturday evening surfing porn sites (just kidding!) when this fucking bitch in the neighborhood begin to sing or rather shout on her karaoke machine. Her voice was just horrible, she sounded more like an adult video actress having fake orgasm than singing and all she did was just singing the chorus part repeatedly for like 5 to 6 times before going la-la-la and then repeating the chorus again. Fuck even I know how to sing like that. Another thing that really pissed me off is the music, whenever that bitch sings; it will only be that same Taiwanese mandarin song over and over again. As we all know, most of the Taiwanese singers these days, the ladies in particular are being churned out like factory products either because they have the looks or they have the boobs. So music wise most of them can't really sing! Now if the original singer sucks, then what about those singer wannabes??

Merdeka

2004-08-31T04:21:00.000+08:00

Happy 47th birthday Malaysia!! May you prosper in many years to come....

Anyway was at this local club called Glo (formerly known as Lush) with the lads and their friends to celebrate the country's 47th anniversary. The atmosphere there was superb but not the new design. Too packed and crowded compared to the previous design.... But I have no complains about the chicks there maybe because of the surprise appearance of a local TV celebrity. Yes many of those girls tried so hard to be very "nice" with him.... but I doubt they are going to get anything. Anyway cheers to the lads and ladies for a wonderful time there.

Sucky Friday!

2004-08-27T13:58:00.000+08:00

Went for an interview today at one of the multinationals here for the post of Engineer and the outcome of the interview... SUCKS! Reached the place at 8.50 in the morning and had to wait for more than an hour before finally being called into the interview room at 11.00... ok I'm fine with that. Then the bloke there proceeds to question me about my job skills and myself. Next he was asking for my high school grades... wasn't really satisfied with my result from the look of his donkey face. We then proceed on to talk about my technical skills in server operating systems, some Cisco networking and PABX stuff plus a brief discussion about my CCNA and MCSE certification. Seeing that I'm quite comfortable talking about all the subject, he asked for my university grades as well... not to long after that the fuck started telling me that my result is not good and blah blah blah... well helloo??? I'm here for the job of an Engineer which requires me to be good with servers NOT some fucking Moral Education which I got P8 in high school or some shitty algorithms programming which I did in the university! This job has got nothing to do with that you ignorant fuck!! He is not judging the book by its cover but instead judging the book by the color... if he loves red and the book happens to be blue in color... he will just throw away the book regardless of how good the content is... Now I've got this sudden urge of taking the baseball bat and hit a home run out of his donkey face. Not expecting much from this interview anyway. Thank god the weekend is finally here...

Haloscan Added

2004-08-26T10:05:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

The Funk Has Landed...

2004-08-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

... finally the first post for my blog. Must admit that this blogging thing to me is nothing but a waste of time... but eventually i got myself infected with this virus... ok will post more shit here once i figure out all the functions of the built-in WYSIWYG tools...